Three Things to Know Before You Choose a Therapist

Have a notebook to hand when choosing a therapist over the phone. Remember you are doing the hiring.

This autumn I've had more enquiries than usual from people thinking about starting therapy. It got me thinking about how daunting it can be to choose someone to talk to, so I've put together some pointers on what to look for in a therapist and which questions are worth asking.

1. Trust the first phone call

The first five minutes tell you more than you'd expect. Do they let you finish your sentences? Do you feel heard, or processed? Do you like the sound of their voice? Could you imagine saying something difficult to this person?

You won't feel relaxed, and nobody does when they're about to talk about painful things with a stranger. But you should sense a real person on the other end, not a service. Humour counts too. A therapist who can laugh with you, at the right moment, makes the hard things easier to say.

This isn't just a feeling. Research keeps finding that how well you and your therapist get on is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy helps, often more than the method they use.

Many therapists, me included, offer a free initial conversation. Treat it as an interview. You're the one doing the hiring.

2. Check the small print

Gut feeling matters, but so does the paperwork. In the UK, “counsellor” and “psychotherapist” aren't protected titles, so anyone can use them. Look for membership of a professional body such as the BACP, UKCP or BPC. It means they work to an ethical framework, and you have somewhere to go if something goes wrong.

Then ask the sensible questions:

•      What training do they have, and do they have regular supervision?

•      Have they worked with what you're bringing, whether that's grief, anxiety, trauma or something else?

•      Can they explain their approach in plain English? If the answer is a cloud of jargon, that tells you something.

•      What are the fees, the session length and the cancellation policy?

 Have a look at their website as well. It won't tell you whether they're any good, but it will show whether they're clear about how they work and whether they sound like a human being. If you can't tell who they are from their own words, that's worth knowing before you ring.

3. Give it a few sessions, then check in

A client of mine once spent six sessions trying to click with a previous therapist before admitting the chemistry just wasn't there. That's a lot of time and money spent on something that didn't feel right.

So set yourself a checkpoint. After three or four sessions, ask yourself some honest questions. Do you feel safe enough to be challenged, kindly? Do you feel you're getting somewhere, even slowly? Do you leave sessions lighter, or just tired?

Good therapy can be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't feel like hard work for no reason. If something's off, say so. A good therapist will want to hear it and may help you find someone better suited. Moving on isn't failing, and it isn't wasted time. You've learned what you need.

If you'd like to see whether we'd be a good fit, book a consultation and we'll have a chat. No pressure either way.