How Long Will Grief Last?

It’s one of the most common questions people ask in therapy: “How long will this grief last?”

It’s an understandable question, and a heartbreaking one. When we’re in the depths of loss, we long for someone to tell us how long this pain will last, when we’ll feel ‘normal’ again, and when life might stop hurting quite so much.

But the truth is, there is no remedy for grief. It isn’t an illness to be cured or a phase to be completed.  In our impatient, fast-paced and target driven modern World this feels uncomfortable to many. As Julia Samuel reminds us, grief is the price we pay for love. It’s not something to move on from, but something we slowly learn to live alongside.

In the early days, this truth can sound unbearable. The idea that the ache might never completely go away feels cruel. But over time, many people discover that grief changes shape. It softens, it weaves itself into daily life, and it becomes part of who we are.

John W. James and Russell Friedman, authors of The Grief Recovery Handbook, write about how our culture often teaches us to suppress or “get over” pain. We’re told to be strong, to keep busy, to replace what we’ve lost, yet grief doesn’t respond to logic or timetables. Healing begins when we stop trying to fix grief and instead allow ourselves to feel it.

To grieve well is not to forget, but to integrate. To remember without being consumed. To carry love forward in a new way.

Grief changes us. As C.S. Lewis wrote, it’s like a drop of colour that permanently tints the whole, it doesn’t fade, but over time, it becomes part of the palette from which we live.

If you’re grieving, please know there’s no clock ticking over your head. Your loss is real, your pain is valid, and your journey is yours alone. With support, compassion, and time, grief can become not something that defines you, but something that deepens you.

If you’d like to talk about your grief in a safe, understanding space, you can find out more about therapy at Holden Place Therapy